you were the question, you were the answer
by happywhitedaisies
Summary: "I could never catch up. I take one step as he takes ten. It's not fair. You can't light a fire in me and just watch me turn to ashes and dust."


**a/n:** late at night, hardly a plot, sorry i am bad at this but yeah.

* * *

Why is_ Aominecchi_ always so far away?

Even if I was running at my top speed, I could never catch up. I take one step as he takes ten. It's not fair. You can't light a fire in me and just watch me turn to ashes and dust. You are so cruel. I got hit by a basketball and you apologized with a carefree smile. It got bigger when the ball was back between your palms.

I thought I had everything but then I realized- I don't have_ you._

I think the basketball which hit me, fractured my skull, leaving a crack for you to seep into my brains, mess up whatever I had. You kept driving me, driving me and just driving me. It took me two weeks and five days before I finally understood the brilliant smile on your face before. It took me another day to decide- "I want to be **you**."

I have no idea how your hysterical love for basketball got to me either. I see you glide gracefully across the court, watch your body changes into fascinating forms; your eyes illuminate in a way which I wanted you to look at me with. Watching you play made me realized how much I was lacking.

The first time I challenged you to a 1-on-1, you chuckled with your teeth showing. With your eyes lit, chin up, you said, "You can't beat me just yet newbie." You were always so confident about your moves. My eyes focused on your limbs and expression, trying to predict your next move, I was really giving it my all. All I could remember was your eyes suddenly glowed, lips curling into a grin before a gush of wind hit me and you were not there anymore. The ball slid into the hoop with a swoosh, not even touching the headboard or the rim. I turned back just in time to see the ball rebounded to your palms. You did not even break a sweat; I stood there astonished but not as much as I was mesmerized by the tanned figure in front of me, by you.

"Again!" I whined, dissatisfied.

Those navy orbs widened in surprise before turning into an innocent eye smile. Within the next second, the ball was in my hands, you were right in front of me, arms spread, wearing your famous cocky grin. You were the obstacle I could not overcome- not until Winter Cup.

I saw you as the coal, fueling my passion, making sure that I burn brightly; I saw you as the limit, you were always my goal, my ambition; I saw you right in front of me yet no matter how much I stretched my arms, I could not reach you.

I think what I was trying to understand for the past two years- was the feeling of fondness, respect and yearning. I was caught up between wanting to steal the ball from you and wanting to hold your hands right there. Whenever you came close, close enough for me to breathe in your scent, to see your sweat dripping from your forehead down the slope of your nose. Is it selfish to want your heartless, piercing gaze all to myself?

I loved to win. I enjoyed victories but somehow you took that all away. Somehow I just wanted you and only you. I knew from the start you would hurt me in ways I never thought you would be able to. Still, I begged and pleaded you to give me one more round. You lamented about it though you gave in anyway. My knees were red and sore, palms full of callouses which would take me three different bottles of skin products to make it as soft and smooth again.

You were the question.

I could have anyone else but I chose you. I could be anywhere but I decided to stay here. I knew the consequences yet I still went along. It was wrong, all wrong. It was highly impossible for a gravure enthusiast to see something special in me. I will be lacking in someways that I could never make up for.

We stood on the same court, with different goals. You wanted to get pass me, as if I was just a hindrance while I wanted to make you look at me with those burning irises- you were dead, inside out.

Unfortunately, I was not able to ignite something, anything in you. I was not the one.

* * *

I was not your answer. You did not asked a question. You needed a statement. I never realized that until I saw you fell for the first time, against the male you never thought would ever come close to even grazing you, actually got through your thick skull. He got into your head easily as if he had the key to your lock from the start. I was only aimlessly walking around, hoping wherever I was, was home.

"I am in _love_ with you _Aominecchi_,"  
I wondered if you could sense my insecurities from these words alone.

* * *

You waited for me outside the lockers. You grabbed my shoulder, put my arm around your shoulder. First time in a long time, you glanced at me with such warmth I thought had vanished, along with the 1-on-1s.

"Does your leg feel any better?" "Do you want me to carry you?" "Have you iced your wounds?" "Are you hungry?"  
"Can you walk?"

"A-Aominecchi... What is your point?" I choked out, hoping the anguish that coated my words could pass off as the twinges in my limbs.

"I... I am not good at this. I am not sure either but I feel like I have to do this you know? Look, I am sorry Kise. I thought we had something but somewhere along the way we, no I, might have lost it and I am just trying to make it up somehow. I- I don't know. Anyway, we need to get your back home asap," Aomine fumbled with his words, the hesitation and uncertainty were there but they meant nothing. Aominecchi is Aominecchi. My stomach could just cave in right there, I could just collapse immediately. Nonetheless, I would be smiling- with your voice saying words that came out of a cliche shoujo manga, I fell in love again.

* * *

"Prove to me this isn't a dream and I am not a homosexual delusional teen."

It wasn't. I felt his head moving towards me, casting a shadow over me. You took my face with your coarse palms, I took a whiff of teriyaki sauce and then it was you, all you. Your lips against mine, brushing slowly over mine. I felt you prying my lip open, anxiously yet gently. I never knew there was this part of you till now. The parts where our exposed skin touched made me craved for more. I pushed towards you, you leaned against me. Skin against skin never felt so good. My lungs filled with all of your exhaled air, sharing till the last bit of oxygen. Your hands slowly glided down my face to my waist and you just had to tightened your grip on me, wrapped me in your compassionate embrace. I shifted my hands so now they are around your neck, ruffling your hair and finally,

I could finally reach you, touch you,  
hold you and you could do the same to me.

"Y-You," he shakily breathed out, pupils boring into me, "are not a fucking delusional teen."

"So I guess I am homosexual?" a chuckle escaped between my lips, grinning while I leaned in again and filled myself with Aominecchi's taste.

.  
I felt him snaking his hands down to my hips, bringing me nearer, pressing us closer. A short peck on my forehead then my nose then my lips before he whispered, "Good night Ryouta."

Five years ago, I never thought we would be like this. I thought I would be holding someone, not being held. I thought I would be bitter yet free but I have never felt so comfortable being tied down with all four limbs. As if we were made for each other, our bodies pieced together perfectly. I could ease in every nook and cranny. I have already imagined myself living in his bloodstream, flowing through his aorta, through every capillary tube to his veins, into his heart then lung- being inside of him, _everywhere_, all at once.

I thought carelessly to myself while lying beside the man I found comfort in, "Would this last forever?"

Aominecchi, did you read my mind? Because I swore I heard your voice at the back of my head repeating the words, "You'll be the constant in my life and I'll be yours."

_I'll be yours._  
_I'll be yours._  
_I'll be yours,_  
"R-ryouta."

He muttered my name in his sleep as if on cue but the thing, both of his eyelids were shut tight and I could hear the soft snore, along with involuntarily twitching of his fingers.

When did I caught up to him? When did I held him for the first time? I couldn't think because everything I felt then, was a constant, already part of a routine. It seemed as if I did not lived before the Aomine phase. Maybe I was not living till _now_.

I am still a bright flame for you; I would be the light that would guide you home; I would be the home you always wanted; I would be the warmth you seek at night. I am still craving for you; whenever I am with you, there would always be an ignition. I burn, I feel alive and

this is all because of you, _Aomine Daiki._


End file.
